Friday, July 8, 2011

I'm not a little girl anymore.

i feel like i don’t belong where i am and that i have the wrong people in my life. 
i get this feeling like i’m an outsider even when i’m being included,
or that i’m always around people who don’t know me or couldn't understand me at all. 
but honestly, i'm trying my best not to complain much about it,
since i know how hard and difficult i myself can be sometimes.
besides, complaining turns into arguing and arguing turns into nothing. pointless.
but boy, my flaws are not an excuse for you to intentionally hurt me,
i know i could name a billion things wrong with me, and so can you.
but tell me, how is pointing out my flaws, making you flawless?
we both have our flaws but unlike you, i don't easily give up being friends.
and unlike you, i don't make your flaws as excuses to say mean things to you.

i'm saying all this now only because i feel annoyed now.
being your friend is something isn't what i planned.
meeting you and getting close to you,
talking to you so often that it became a routine, practically a habit,
none of it was something that i planned.
maybe it wasn't what you have planned neither,
but now that we have become close friends,
i suppose we both have the responsibility to make things work.
or at least make some effort of being a good friend to each other.

making friends is like a pack of deal.
you get some, you give some, and you share the rest.
you can't expect to get only the good stuffs out of someone.
it is simply all or nothing at all. no further questions.
if i manage to tolerate 'the other side of you', you have no choice but to do the same.
cause that is just what friends do for each other. they tolerate most of the time.
there is no room of making excuses for being selfish or taking things for granted.
coz it's not fair when you know you have me, but i can't say the same for you.
friends stick together through ups and downs, no matter what.
they don't just leave when it is just easier to say goodbye.

you had your chance, and you choose to turn into some parasite.
i don't like what you have become, but i'm not going to fight you.
 i’m not going to dwell on trying to make your life miserable. NO.
better yet, i’m going to sit here and tell you,
“Karma’s a motherfucker, and you’ll get yours."
i'm done being the only one who tries hard to save this friendship.

it would be a lie if i say i'm fine with us no longer being friends.
but i'm walking away from you now because at some point,
i come to realize that i respect myself too much to let you treat me like shit,
and i've sacrificed my feelings too much that i start to feel like its not worth it, 
that the only next possible step to do is to stop and leave you alone.
it’s not like i'm giving up, and it’s not like i shouldn't try.
 it’s just that i have to draw the line of determination from desperation. 
if you were truly meant to be my friend, you will eventually be, 
but if not, no matter how hard i try, you will never be.


  1. ayip!!miss u lah..add me kat fb..John Arien..aku tggu kaw..

  2. erinnnn..miss u 2 lah..smpi sudah kte x dapat lepak sama lg dari hari tu..ui, da wat akaun baru rupanya! ok2, da add ko dah! =)