The TALK

These few days,

I found myself feeling depressed.
why?

it's because of the TALK.

where it brings out probably just about everything that goes wrong with your life,

(and everyone else's life too)

and the way how you have been handling your life lately,

(and everyone else's life too)

the things you haven't achieved,

the things you should have achieved,

the things what other kids do and you don't,

the things what other kids wouldn't do but you did,

(comparisonssucksbecauseyoualwaysendeduplookinglikealoser.shit)

and all sort of things.
including marriage. of course. (duh!)

when you say nothing + you upset people = ur an ignorant bitch.

when you actually say something + you upset people = ur a very rude bitch.
great. i just love maths. =.='

I have been taking my responsibilities seriously and what did I get?
a little experience and a whole lot of depression.
and a bunch of craps and shits too.
like seriously.
my life itself has always been a chaos.
the ups and downs are going like nuts.
(which is usually more of the downward side than the upward side.)
*gosh my life! takes a sip of coffee and then c'nues..*
but still, people keep questioning the little things I do and say.
as if things weren't bad enough already that they had to make me feel even worst.
just because I don't turn out to be as what you expected to,
or just because I refuse to do as exactly as what you told me to,
so you choose to say mean things to me everyday and make me feel bad about myself?
so that I would come to my senses by that or what?
like that's gonna work. pfft.
so they say that I'm loud, impatient and short tempered.
and yup, never once that I deny the fact of it.
BUT,
did I or did I not try my best to please everyone?
even with that much of flaws I had in me,
did I or did I not try to make an effort to keep everyone happy?
and YET,
all you see are my flaws and never any of my effort.
I grew up to be a woman that had so much anger in me.
having to deal with so much problems starting at a very young age,
and other people's problems too, which is ridiculous sometimes.
I guess it's just too much to deal with that makes me what I am now.
which is someone with anger management issues.
if I get to choose, you think I would choose to become this?
you think I would choose to be hated for this?
I am not blaming life for causing me to be who I am now,
nor am I blaming the genetics in my family for the reasons of who I am now,
but I guess a little appreciation and understanding would be nice.
but that is just too much to ask isn't it?
so you know what?
I think I've had enough.
I've done my part and I seriously think it's time for somebody else to do the part.
I had too much on my plate already and I don't mean food!
so I guess you guys can carry on without me.
its not like you would prefer me over someone else right?
cause there's always someone else better than me.
who can ever beat the worst?

while me..

I'm just gonna seat here and relax.
pretend like I know nothing, heard nothing, and definitely say nothing.
ignorant is bliss.
not that I'm proud of it but at least I've tried dealing with almost everything,
and nothing seems to turn out right,
so I guess it's time to embrace it.
so again,
ignorant is bliss.

p/s: I'm not setting up a great example for the younger ones did I?
ah, lantaklah. take care everyone!

KL - 3 DAYS

esok dah nak gerak ke KL; subuh2 bertolak.

and today, I'm feeling all gloomy and malas.

baju tak basuh lagi, conference paper tak buat lagi.

pastu my 'ulcer' dalam mulut makin sakit nampaknya.

the wound is getting deeper sebab asyik tergigit berkali2.

which is annoying sebab malam2 tengah tido tetibe terpaksa bangun cari bonjela.

then my index finger semalam tersepit kat sliding door. grr.

hari ni dah kurang 1 jari nak menaip. tahniah.

nak basuh kain tapi sabun habis so kena pegi kedai dulu nampak gayanya.

tapi mandi pun belum lagi ni, aaahhh malasnyaaa!!

tapi esok kena jugak pegi KL macam2 mana pun.

adik aku nak pakai kete nak pegi cari rumah.

and aku pun dah buat janji ngan member2 kat KL nak meet up lepak2.

then nak pegi amik mak aku bawak balik batu pahat.

lepas ni mummy ada kat sini, kena behave! huuu.

semoga esok dah rasa excited nak jalan2.

kalo esok duk moody macam ni jugak, huh parah dah tu.

roger and out!

Selamat Pengantin Baru Ani+Sofi

sejak daripada hantar progress report 5hb hari tu,

pastu pergi wedding Ani kat K.Terengganu 9hb,

satu benda pun aku tak sentuh lagi keje2 laen.

conference paper due 20 Jun, ni aku nak pegi KL pulak 16-18 Jun.

sebut pasal pegi K.Terengganu hari tu, fuh adventure btol.

daripada tak jadi pegi, tetibe jadi pulak,

pastu bertolak dalam pukul 11 or 12 malam camtu dari Batu Pahat,

pukul 7 or 8 pagi sampai K.Terengganu, bertiga dengan dayah+shx,

sampai2 teros breakfast, bersiap salin baju kurung kat masjid pe segale,

teros ke rumah ani untuk attend majlis nikah dia kul 10 pagi.

majlis sanding dalam pukul 12 lebey kurang.
ok semua info ada lari sikit terlebey atau terkurang sejam sebab aku pelupa. heh.

tapi yang aku ingat is cantik gila pelamin ani, nampak simple+fresh; thumbs up!

shx sebagai photographer; mekasey!

"tahniah buat ani+soufi; semoga berbahagi selamanya."

setel majlis tros gerak balik semula Batu Pahat.

sempat la singgah Pantai Kemasik maen air kat Kemaman,

pastu singgah Pantai Mok Nik lak makan keropok lekor,

then singgah rumah abang nik aku, dinner+mandi+jenguk anak buah.

halah2 comelnyaaaa..huuu~~

lepas dinner tros sambung perjalanan balik ke Batu Pahat dalam kul 9.30 malam.

tadi shx dah drive dari K.Terengganu ke Kemaman,

so skang turn aku drive dari Kemaman ke Segamat,

then sambung dengan orang seterosnya.
tapi disebabkan aku dah ngantok sangat,
tak sempat sampai Segamat dah tukar driver ngan dayah. hee.

alhamdulillah dengan semua penat dan mengantok,

macam2 hal segala, tapi semua selamat sampai ke Batu Pahat akhirnya.

esoknya tuhan je tahu penat ngan lenguh badan tu cane.

sehari sebelum ke K.Terengganu tu dah lenjan badan ngan macam2 kerja,

pastu tros sambung dengan travel sikit punya jauh.

bak kata bapak shx; "apsal ko tak pergi sampai siam jek tros??"

tetttt. bestnya kena sindir. huuuu.

all and all, gambar dalam camera ada cecah 300 keping jugaklah.

tipu la kalau kata dalam penat dan problem sana sini tu langsung tak have fun.

paling syok maen air kat pantai lah for sure.

ombak dia sikit punya ligat lagi.

malangnya kat Pantai Kemasik ni tak dibenarkan mandi.

kalau tak kompem aku dah celop2 kepala dah. huuu.

tapi sebab view kat sini cantek, plus ombak dia yang tak tahan tu,

ramai gila newly wed buat photoshoot kat sini.

bersepah couple2 dengan baju pengantin duk baring sana sini amik gambar.

naseb baek jugaklah cuaca tak hujan.

nah, dengan baju kurung aku terjun pantai. ada bran?

p/s: belakang tabir? biarlah rahsia. 

semoga tuhan permudahkan segala urusan2 yang mendatang. amin.